Shmeh, From Thursday, Which I didn't have time to Post

School, Work, Sleep, HARRY POTTER. I'll be excited when I get there, but for now I'm just in a debbie downer mood. Today was shmeh, a day commonly described as a nothing special with a twist of remorse day. Bad things are happening everywhere, as they do around the world on the daily. Things just seem to be coming closer to where I live more often. All of this is bad grammar and lacking in sense, but this is what my blog is for. Blabbing. Who said it had to make sense?

The past hurts. The past is a common theme which haunts my thoughts and creeps into my mind before I drift off to sleep. The past is my enemy, bringing me down with every breath I take. It's also my best friend, reminding me of the joys I once shared with people who I cared about.

I don't care about people. I've lost some of the most important ones, and even that I didn't care about. It was an odd feeling, letting people go who had been a part of my life for a while. Especially because I could turn the other way without regret, which says something. Maybe it meant those people weren't supposed to be in my life, that I had changed and so had they. I have hurt a few along the way, and even that I don't regret. So why don't I feel anything towards them? Why can't I give them a heartfelt goodbye, or say thanks for the past and mean it?

It may just be teenage drama, it may be my imagination, it may be anything. There is no point. Everything I think about could have a meaning, or it couldn't. I could be alive, or I couldn't. We all could exist, or we couldn't. Whose to say what the universe is, how babies are made, who resides in the big blue sky way above our heads? We determine our paths, our futures, our mindsets, our goals, dreams, and hopes. We as people are influenced by others, those close to us or with power over us. Those who we admire, look down on, or look past. We are human beings, but who can even define that?

There is no reality. We are real, and we believe everything around us to be real, because we believe so. We haven't known any other truth. I believe everything in front of me is as it is because that's how I think it to be. If I were to change my mind and say things were different, they would be. I would also need to believe in myself fully for that to happen. And that's a very hard thing to do. The world is as you create it to be, your own melting pot. Think of it as you will.