Rollercoaster Rides

Cliche, to start off with. Today was a miserable, miserable day. Everything was going great, and then it all slid downhill. I was planning on going to the Denver Aquarium with Kati, Ashley, and Pablo, and before we left to go my father told me my cat was sick. There is something all my mysterious readers should understand, and it's that I love my cat more than anything in the entire universe. I would do anything for that cat, including spending my savings to take her to the vet. She is the only being which I can trust completely, because she's a cat, and she will not disappoint me. She has been there for me for the past nine years, and has done nothing but loved me (with the occasional scratches for teasing her). I don't believe I will ever connect this deeply to another animal in my entire lifetime, mainly because she's been there through the foundation years of my youth. And she's still here, she is everything to me. I don't like the idea of getting a tattoo, but if someone asked me to prove my love for her I would get an entire back tattoo of her face with a loving message on the bottom. When she does eventually die, I will most likely get a tattoo of her somewhere on my body. When I go off to college, I am afraid to be without her. She is my anchor. I am rambling about her because I thought she was near death today. I am afraid of losing her so much that a simple cold sets me off my rocker. I don't know what happened, but by the time I came home she was fine again. In the beginning of the day she wasn't eating, moving lethargically, and not mewing (which is rare, she's very noisy). To sum it up, I love my cat immensely. She is my world, why I wake up in the morning, why I look forward to coming home every night. She is someone to cuddle with, someone to love, someone to make me feel better about myself. Without her, I would not be the person I am today. If you don't get it by now, i'm not kidding around. She is my everything, and the day she dies I am going down in pieces.

My baby, Boots

Anyways, at the aquarium we had to pay $16 to get in (JIP!). It was hard to take pictures because of the glare on the glass, and there were a bunch of people there. I think it's extremely ironic how they serve seafood at the aquarium, that's just not right. What are we doing, looking at the next plate served downstairs? It's like an elk farm I saw once that advertised fresh meat for sale, while the poor elk were alive and roaming, with no idea what would happen to them. Other than that the aquarium was going great, until my camera glitched. I tried taking a picture and it just froze, so I took the battery out. It kept doing that no matter how many times I took out the battery, and I'm really upset. That camera holds my future in it's hands. Not really actually, but it's my first real camera. I spent my hard earned money on that camera in 2008, and I love it dearly. I've never dropped it either, so I'm confused. After the aquarium we went to McDonald's and it was funny. Ashley and Pablo both got chocolate milkshakes, and Kati and I chilled out with some water. I was tempted to try some, but I held back. Sweets really mess up my skin, and that's my biggest insecurity so I try not to have any.

After we came back from Denver Ashley and I hung out for a while, and then departed to Gigi's. Gigi had a catering project to do, and invited us over to eat her delicious dinner. It was Ashley, Matt, Gigi, and I. Dinner was really good, we had linguini with alfredo sauce and shrimp, caesar salad, rolls, and key lime pie for dessert. The pie was excellent, I hated myself a little for eating so much of it but I couldn't refuse. That would be rude. Everything was great, even the salad which I typically don't like. Afterwards we all played rockband, and I sucked at singing to songs I don't know. Also playing guitar on easy? Yeah count me out, I guess I just couldn't do anything. But the one thing that bugs me is my singing. It has depleted since 8th grade when I was in choir, and it bugs me. If I were to choose a realistic goal it would be to learn how to improve my vocals. I want to be able to sing beautifully, and if that never happens, I at least want people to like the sound of my voice. Most importantly would be for me to like it, but I am my hardest critic so that's a bit tough. 

I have a letter I want to write to someone, but I haven't brought myself to do it. It's tough writing letters that will never be sent. I want to get rid of all the anger, pain, exhaustion, and depression I've been housing about my past relationships and things that have gone wrong. I'm finally on the right path, but every time there is a chance encountering things go horribly wrong. My mood spirals downward and I lose all motivation to keep going. It almost makes me wish I had never loved, but love was beautiful. It wooshed all my problems away, and now I'm left to pick up the pieces. I just need to keep busy, but that hasn't been working. I need to get away desperately, I need a fresh start. It's not healthy to run away from problems, but I do not have any motivation to do it any differently. I want to throw myself into my work and forget about everyone else's existence (except my family). Anyways, the one song that does cheer me up is called The Cave by Mumford & Sons. The lyrics really speak to me, and I feel empowered every time I listen to it. Everyone has a power song, maybe they haven't found theirs yet. I hope you all do. It is a godsend, a blessed gift.

There is a lot I have to talk about. I just can't think of it all at the same time. Then there's times where I have nothing to say, but I write for the sake of speaking out for whoever reads this to see what I'm going through or thinking. I can very openly admit that I love attention, and I love being loved and listened to. I'm also a very independent person, and sometimes I need a lot of space. If someone does read this, or a few people, I'm glad you do. I hope you read every word, because I would read every word of your blog. I hope someone is out there who can understand what I'm going through, can laugh at my jokes, and have empathy with my situations. I just want to be loved. Doesn't everyone?