A Good Song
That music describes the mood I'm in currently. I want to go through the past two days, and I believe I will. I just need some relaxing music to accompany this task because it's 3:39AM on Thanksgiving and I'm still not in bed.
Yesterday I started my day off normally and worked on my sociology book a lot. I also started making Gigi's soc page, which turned out fantastically (especially for me, I only edit photos in photoshop, I don't create pieces of art from scratch). Curious? Bing. My work of art, that is. That took a lot of effort, and it also represents more than a project or the definition of my friendship with her. To me, it represents my eternal growth with the profession I am choosing to pursue. If I hadn't worked my butt off to produce something like this, I would never have made it this far. I am proud of my growth, and it builds to the theory that practice does make perfect (but no, I'm not calling this perfect). I am proud of where I am coming from, and proud of where I will be going.
Later on in the day, Gigi came over and we went to King Soopers for pie ingredients. We decided to make a chocolate pecan pie, which I had never tasted before. She let me drive her stickshift back to my house, and it was funny to try it out in a different car besides my father's truck. I am average at stick, but still learning. Not nearly ready for highways, but backroads and roads under 40mph are good enough for my skills. Her car was very smooth compared to my father's, but I like each for different reasons. When driving my dad's truck, I love the rugged feel because it makes me feel tough and impressive. I loved Gigi's clutch because it was smooth and luxurious, so I felt enviable and high-class. Once we got back to my house we realized we forgot the pie crust and drove to Safeway, bought some, and returned home. The baking process began, and it looked very promising. The only flaw was that we forgot to put a cookie sheet under the pie....woops. 60 minutes later we opened the oven to an abundance of smoke, but luckily it wasn't our pie that suffered. Some of the filling had dripped over the side (okay, a lot of filling) and burned to a crisp, leaving my whole house smoky. My mother gave us specific instructions not to burn the house down, and imagine her reaction when she walked into a smoky house...bad news bears. After the cleanup Gigi and I left to her house, where we ate dinner and played around in photoshop. We were supposed to go ice skating with Kenna, but the rink was closed. Instead we went to a mutual friend's house and listened to music, nothing special. It was a very relaxing night, and we both passed out when we got back to Gigi's.
Today, I woke up, found Gigi with her kittens, and played with them for a bit. Afterwards we made delicious 'melt in your mouth' pancakes, and stuffed ourselves silly. I went home to work on my soc book and projects in general, and took the bus to get there. Usually I dread taking the bus, but for some reason today was different. I welcomed the long ride to sit back, relax, and listen to music. It gave me forty five minutes to unwind, and I do not get to appreciate little things like that very often. Upon arriving home more work ensued, with later on ACT practice and cooking with my mother. Off again! I went to see Harry Potter for the 2nd time, and it was just as beautiful. The series holds a special place in my heart, and each time I see any of the movies I feel an emotional pull towards them. When Dobby exclaimed that he did not have any masters, I wanted to jump out of my seat and cheer. I sort of did for the midnight premiere, but the second time around the viewers were not as into it so I restrained myself from being obnoxious and silently cheered him on. The rest of the night I don't feel like going into detail for, because there are more important things to talk about. What I do want to remember, looking back and reading this, is that I am the initiator for most situations I put myself in. If I think I will regret something, then I should not do it. If I do it anyway, then I should not regret it.
The most important realization of the week is how safe I feel in choosing photography as my future career, lifestyle, etc. Photography is my everything, and I cannot stress it enough. Ex:
These are photos that I just edited back from a shoot in September. I had forgotten about this shoot, and editing them gave me large amounts of energy. Photography just puts the life back into me. It warms my body all the way from my fingertips to my toes. It makes me numb with excitement, anticipating the great shot I have yet to take. I want to capture meaning, and I'm still a long ways away from knowing what truly encompasses that technique. For now I am enjoying the ride along the way, trying this and that to see what works and doesn't. This might not make sense, and I am rambling a bit, but it's 4AM, I'm on the verge of insane, and I just want to do this for me. I'm writing this blog for myself, I'm doing it to look back and feel good about how far I've come. This is a memory, and this is the past I'm willing to look back on.
This photo is an example of all the past judgements I have let go--all the knowledge I have gained through personal meaning of photography. I remember visiting a school in San Francisco in late August, and they had a student gallery near the lobby. I toured the gallery, thinking that there wasn't anything spectacular among the bunch. I then came to a series of photos with horses in them, but the horses were blurred from motion. I was confused, it looked like the rubbish I would immediately press delete upon seeing. I read the plaque next to the photos, and it described how the photographer used the blurs as extensions of the horses' spirits, etc etc. It sounded like a bunch of crap, and I walked away with my ignorance intact. Only recently have I come to realize that the photos had meaning. It was special to the photographer because that's the way she saw them, and she was communicating that through her photos along with her emotions on the subjects. My photo has a different meaning, and as you may have noticed the subject is not in focus at all. This adds to my emotions on the site we shot at, Gigi's past house at Sunshine Canyon. I went for a ghostly feel throughout the shoot without realizing it, which connected to my sorrow for the house that once was. The subject is blurred, which is technically incorrect, but I kept the photo because it has meaning. To me, it wraps up the disappearance of a lifetime for someone I care about, the death of a huge landmark. There goes the past life, and now it's time to start anew. The blurred subject is the past, and the past is lost because the seeker needs to move forward with their life. The future is unclear, and the past is a blur, but we will always have a new day to look forward to.
Goodnight. I hope to live each day with a sense of purpose, and hope that no matter what today is like, tomorrow will be a fresh start.
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